Tonight, at our disciplship meeting, Patrick had brought up the point of hiding, retreating, in the bush out of shame, unworthiness or the undeservingness. Fr. Paul then elaborated on the fact of it being a wound that Jesus goes into, but we have to believe and to trust in Christ. To believe in that wound, that brokeness, that grudge, that resentment, that block/obstacle of ourselves means to believe and to trust that Christ Jesus is there, and its o.k. What we trust in IS HIM, and for me personally, I place alot of my trust in the fact that Jesus is happy to be there to help us out. He does all the time anyways, this I know. I trust that he does all of this, just because He loves me, which really helps me, love Him even more. With all of this falling in and out of love that I do in my little wretched life, all of this change; in all of my doubts and fears, bottom line is that Jesus is my/our Almighty Savior and Redeemer and that is whom I place all of my trust in, and HIM ONLY.
He is "MY LORD, AND MY GOD" TOO!!! I quote St. Thomas the apostle. Him being the "Doutbting Thomas" to a very true and fearless apostle of Our Lord and Our God, by restoring our faith because we believe. Maybe that is how Jesus loves us through all of our "doubting Thomas's" in our broken wounds and inflated egos. Every time we feel our wounds, we think our wound, we pray about our wounds, we let go of our wounds, we empty ourselves of the wounds (or so we think) we re-open our wounds, if we REMAIN on the vine, IN CHRIST, IN THIS BODY AND BLOOD he mends and reseams our brokeness, our grudges, our resentements, our blocks/obstacles of ourselves INTO THE LOVE OF LIFE ITSELF.
And in experiencing that mending, on any level in any form, is truly a most gentle nurturing type of a love that gets mixed with our souls to give us a peace of mind and heart that only comes from our Lord. I have tried other ways to get this, it ALMOST WORKS....but never does in the end. All of these gentle ways to experience and learn HOW to believe and HOW to trust, all of these moments of gentle consolation of faith, we allow Jesus to work right in the wound, as a result, we will grow in faith, in belief and IN TRUTH......Whom is? Christ Jesus. What truth do we grow in? We grow in the truths of ourselves, which is ususally a very layered voyage down those deep depths, yet I find consolation that when we grow in these ways, we grow deeper IN the Lord, and IN the mending and re-seaming phases. I may be growing deeper but it may feel a tad overwhelming at that time, but the mending and re-seaming phase takes time, that's why it is a phase, we all go through in our own little ways.
I am very thankful that Love is unconditional, Love is God. Love never fails, we do. But we get back up, lick the wounds and live on. God unconditionally loves our conditions and loves them into his own, Christ Jesus.I humbly reflect on the parable of the vine and the branches, specifically on the part of John 15:2-3 "He takes away every branch that does not bear fruit, and everyone that does he prunes, so that it bears more fruit." I recently witnessed rose bushes grow through their pruning process and bloom and produce the most fragrant and richest of mix of colors, it was truly amazing, truly a marvelous and most wonderful works of the Lord Almighty. I remember seeing the rose bushes full, green, leaves healthy, branches stable and growing nicely the next day I see the rose bushes, and they were stripped down to a bare nothing, this was honestly during lent actually, and I felt sad, shocked, a little angry, I wanted to know what happened and mostly WHY such a cut down. I was told this will help the rose bush and it will be just fine.
Time passed on, and I critically watched, I wanted to see HOW fine this bush was going to be, when it was stripped to nothing when it "seemed" to be doing ok. Well, the brown thinned branches started to show green, and in its greeness/newness it re-fortified the whole, it grew. It got thicker, It got taller, It got wider, It got leafier, It got so many blooms, It is gorgeous to this very day. All that morphing right in our own backyard, all that morphing done by the grace and love of God, for us, so that we may have these joys and wonders and miracles and marvelous works for us to be happy. In the spring the bush did have stronger and beautfiul roses, just like all the other rose bushes. The new blossoms, the new leaves, the stronger branches, the stronger roots, the whole bush getting stronger and stronger with each season it its own time, to produce the best fruit possible for the Glory of Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Maybe that's why the morphing process, the desert, the testing of gold in fire, the pruning are all processes, done in the timing of or according to the will of God. Each growth process is done in its time, and in its appropiate season, as the seasons pass on, as they do so quickly, the morphing process hurts, shocks, grounds us, humbles us, strips us, belittles us, pierces us, but not as bad or not as deep. As each pruning season comes and goes, we get stronger and stronger.Yes the wound is there, but the sting, bite, the prunimg, the value of what hurt us so,,,,, well that gets softened in the callus of experience and in the big soft heart of God. Amen.
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